Lived-In Homes & Forget the Garden

Before we knew it, my friends and I had slipped into the target demographic of all those home magazines, like Better Homes & Gardens, House Beautiful, and Country Living. We still like our fair share of celebrity gossip, but our exasperation at everything Kardashian has us flipping through these types of magazines more than we used to. They’re good for decorating tips and some helpful mom advice. And then there are those photos of beautiful, impeccable rooms - static images of perfection we aspire to but rarely, if ever, achieve. We sigh, close the magazine and move on, but that idea of perfection lingers.

As I dropped off my son at a play date recently, the boy’s mother and I spent some time catching up with each other. As we moved into her living room to chat for a few minutes, she apologized for their messy house. It was by no means messy which, for having two young boys, was pretty miraculous. The next day my son and I were invited over to my friend’s house for lunch. We’ve been to her home before and it’s one I adore. It always feels so comfortable and welcoming, a lot like her. As we entered, she immediately apologized for the mess, which I hadn’t detected.

I hear it almost every time I go to a friend’s house. There might be kids’ coats that didn’t quite make it into the closet, dishes in the sink, mail piled on the counter, or a Barbie stuck between the couch cushions. This is not called messy, this is called lived-in. We all feel, though, that if our homes are not magazine pristine, they are messy. I watch the show Hoarders just to make myself feel better about my son’s playroom. In comparison to that show, he’s a neat freak and I can continue to shut the door and block out the crop circles of toys on the floor.

I think what we women need is a magazine that shows it like it really is. It could be called something like Lived-In Homes & Forget the Garden (who has time?). The toy organizer articles are great for those moms willing to constantly pick up after their kids. But how about a magazine showing a photograph of the toy-vomiting closet the rest of us have?

Our magazine would have a “Pick Your Battles” section. Yes, the toys get put into bins but the bins never make it back to the shelves. The games and balls get put away, as long as you don’t mind having a cabinet that’s now booby-trapped. Matchbox cars vs. Legos? If he only has time to clean up one before school, choose the Legos; hot coals underfoot would be preferable to accidentally stepping barefoot on that deadly piece of one-inch plastic.

Our family meals might not be picture-perfect either. More likely, Mom is standing at the counter eating off of everyone’s discarded plates as Dad chauffeurs the kids to their various sporting events. We might have husbands that are afflicted with allergies to certain appliances, like the dishwasher. It’s not hectic all the time, but it might be nice to see it in print once in a while to counter the bombardment of photographed immaculateness.

We have our share of family meals that last more than 10 minutes. We have afternoons when our house looks so clean we invite the UPS man in just so someone will witness it before it returns to its usual disarray. Our homes aren’t supposed to be a showcase; they’re where our family memories are made. They’re not spotless; they’re lived in. Let’s embrace that instead of apologizing for it.